What I Learned From Losing My Things
How starting over is not a bad thing
This year I lost almost everything that I owned. Twice.
This year I have migrated to 3 different countries, intending to live in the first two to be longer. As the world plunged into uncertainty, I decided the best place right now is to be where my family is. However, my departure from the other countries was not clean as I have left many things. Now I am faced with a decision on what to do with them.
On one, I was trying to fit all that I have into two 25kg boxes so that it can be ready for shipment. The problem was that I have four boxes and have already left the country. I had to decide what items to get rid of by asking my friend to go through them — all done via FaceTime.
On the second, I had to leave the country as the pandemic is causing an indefinite lockdown to travel. I tried to hold it out for as long as I could, but it’s just hard to be alone in a foreign land. The problem was I flew in with two full luggage and would need to fly out with half the weight limit I came in.
Getting rid of clothes I picked up from fast fashion retail was the easiest decision; however, when the sentimental items came up — it is when the decision gets hard. Should I keep a medal I got from a race so I can keep a couple of more clothing? Can I ship an electric skateboard across the ocean? Should I even pack a toothbrush or buy a new one at my next destination?
I only had a matter of days to decide what to bring before my window of opportunity closes.
As I sat on the plane heading home, a thought came into my mind, how and why do I end up owning all of these items?
As it turns out, collecting things is pretty much a primal behavior. Squirrels collect nuts for the winter, Bowerbirds collect shiny things to build their nest to attract a mate, and it all relates to one thing — survival. Humans used to collect, but once we mastered agriculture and domesticated animals, the need to go out into the wild to find food for survival disappeared.
The one aspect that does not change is the fact that collecting (or gathering) produces dopamine, which makes us feels good. Sadly, we always need a new source of dopamine to feel good. For Example, finding a field full of berries is only exciting when we first see it, but not for the second or third time we come to visit. Since we do not scavenge food anymore, this is similar to what happens when we decide to purchase something. (read more)
If we can be happy with just one thing, we would stop at the first shoes we buy — but we would always want more, different styles and maybe even a rare one. While bringing home harvest may show your social status back in the days, now what you can acquire will instead put you on a social path.
Maybe you collect magnets to show your ability to travel, rare sneakers to show your “connection” or wealth to acquire, or perhaps even just newspapers to remember past events.
It’s a double edge sword, get a rush of dopamine when we purchase something and establish a social status while we are at it. This never-ending cycle will only come to an end when we finally realized that we can’t maintain this lifestyle anymore — and when looking back at the things we buy, there is no joy to it.
In the next month, I will be starting over again. I’ve come to learn that the joy of owning something should be an internal motivation instead of external. One thing is for sure is that I won’t be trying to re-purchase the items that I have lost, but rather cherish the ones I was able to keep. The burden of owning things bought for the sake of a dopamine rush is gone; I can only hope that I don’t fall into that cycle anymore.
Unfortunately, this is not a story that has a solution. We live in uncertain times, and acquiring things may give us the comfort that we need. While some can replace the dopamine boost through experience, others may be limited. For those who are stuck in this cycle, all I say is to be mindful — these things may bring you joy right now, but do realize its the act of acquiring, not the item that tends to bring them happiness.
